Godparents
Choosing Godparents
Introduction
Before the baptism of your child, one of the most important issues
is the choice of godparents. For some parents the choice
seems obvious; for others it is a struggle. For everyone,
the godparents play a significant role on the day of the baptism,
and they will establish one of the primary relationships in your
child’s life. No one knows what kind of person your
child will be, but you can help develop that personality by surrounding
your child with people you love and admire. Among them
will be the godparents.
Qualifications
Cultural Expectations
One of the most commonly
held assumptions about godparents is that they will be responsible
for the care of the child if the parents should die. Although
many people approach the selection of godparents with this worst-case
scenario in mind, the church does
not define godparenting in that way. Godparents represent the
Catholic community and pledge their support to you in raising the
child, but you may choose another guardian if you should no longer
be able to care for your children.
Expectations of godparents vary from one family to the
next. When you choose your child’s godparents, talk
with them about mutual expectations. Make it
clear what you are hoping for, and listen to their ideas. Be
sensitive to what the culture is expecting, but personalize what
you want for your child.
Eligibility in the Church
The Church has some very clear guidelines regarding godparents. In
addition to the expectations of the culture and of the families involved, the
Church adds a few of her own.
- You must designate them, and they must be willing to help
your child lead a Christian life in harmony with
baptism and
fulfill the obligations connected with it.
- They must be at least sixteen years of age and mature enough
to undertake this responsibility.
- They must be Catholics who have received the three sacraments
of initiation, namely: Baptism, Eucharist, and Confirmation.
- They must believe all that the Catholic Church believes
and teaches, and truly make a serious effort to live a good moral
life worthy of imitation, in harmony with the faith and the role
to be undertaken. If they have children, they must
see to the regular religious instruction of their family.
- They must be an actively practicing Catholic, participating
at Mass on Sundays and Holydays, and receiving the sacraments
of the Holy Eucharist and Reconciliation regularly.
- They must not be bound by any imposed or declared penalty
under Church Law and free to carry out
this office. (This means that Catholics living in an invalid
marriage [not according to Catholic
regulations] and those that are cohabitating [living together without
marriage] cannot serve as a godparent).
- They must be someone besides the child’s parents. Furthermore,
the liturgy of baptism will expect the following:
- Godparents will answer this question affirmatively: “Are
you ready to help these parents
in their duty as Christian mothers and fathers?”;
- They will renew their baptismal vows; renouncing
Satan and professing their faith in our
creed; and
- They
may assist in lighting the child’s candle.
The Church does not universally expect anything
more. There is noting in the liturgy or law of the Church
requiring that godparents show up for birthday parties, send cards,
make regular phone calls, or develop a loving friendship with the
child, although all of these would be most praiseworthy was of
living out the role of godparent.
The Church prefers that the godparent at Baptism
serve again as the sponsor at Confirmation. Since Confirmation
generally follows infant baptism by some years, godparents should
sustain a relationship with the child and the family throughout
that time.
The Church expects you to make this choice
for your child. If someone offers or even begs to be the
godparent, make sure this is the best person before you say yes.
DILEMMAS
The godparent relationship is very important and carries
much weight. Coming at the very beginning of the child’s
life, the decision may bring some anxiety. Parents face may
dilemmas in making the right choice. Here are some frequent
concerns:
Marriage Outside the Church
Can a
Catholic married outside the church serve as a godparent? The
Church expects a godparent to “lead a life in harmony with
the faith and the role to be undertaken.” If a person you
are considering as a godparent is not married according to the
laws and practices of the Catholic Church, or is cohabitating [living
together without marriage] then you will need to consider someone
else.
Church Attendance
Is the godparent expected to be someone who attends
church every Sunday? It makes sense if they do.
After all, you are asking this person to assist you in bringing
up your child in the Catholic faith. The church reasonably
expects parents and godparents to help the child “lead
a Christian life in harmony with baptism.” Baptism depends
on the faith of the Church, expressed by parents and godparents.
Therefore, it is absolutely necessary that they live what they
say they believe.
Godparents who are members of a Church Parish
other than St. Elizabeth and St. Jules, are required to complete
the Baptism Sponsor Certificate of Eligibility (provided
by the church office). That form, once completed, must be
signed by their own pastor verifying that they are registered,
active, participating members of their Church Parish.
Number of Godparents
How many godparents should there be? Church law only
requires one godparent; however, you may have two. There may
be no more than two.
Gender
What sex should the godparent be? If you choose
only one godparent, you are free to choose a male or a female;
the godparent in this case need not be the same sex as the child.
However, if you wish to have two godparents, there must be one
male and one female.
Non-Catholics Participation
Can a non-Catholic serve as a godparent? Technically no, since
one of the requirements under Church Law for godparenting is having celebrated
baptism, confirmation and Holy Eucharist in the Catholic Church. The
reason is that our church sees the godparent as more than a concerned relative
or friend who encourages Christian behavior. The godparent will represent
the Catholic Community into which the child is being baptized and will help
the child grow in that community. For a Catholic baptism, only a Catholic
can do that.
–Christian Witness–
While it is ideal that the parents select two
Catholic godparents, the Church only requires that there
be one godparent. A baptized non-Catholic may serve as
a “witness” to the ceremony, as long as a Catholic
godparent is present. The non-Catholic who is selected
as a witness should be and an active and participating member
of his/her Christian community. The sex of the witness need not
be opposite that of the godparent.
During the ritual, a non-Catholic witness at
a Catholic baptism may perform all the parts of the ceremony that
a godparent does. His or her name my be entered into the
parish baptism register as a witness, together with the name of
the godparent.
CATHOLICS WHO DO NOT MEET THE REQUIREMENTS
At times, parents will discover that the person they have chosen to serve
as a godparent, while Catholic, do not meet all the requirements to serve. In
such cases what can be done?
- The
basic rule of thumb is that all godparent requirements must
be met as of the day of Baptism.
Therefore, someone who is not fully qualified to serve as a
godparent (e.g. not yet
confirmed) cannot serve until the missing requirement is met.
Catholics as a “Christian Witness”?
When Catholics do not meet the qualifications to serve as a godparent,
we are often asked if a Catholic can be allowed to serve as a “Christian
witness?” Christian witness” is a term that
is only mentioned in Canon 874, 2 of the Code of Canon
Law. That
canon describes a “Christian witness” as: “A
baptized person who belongs to a non-Catholic ecclesial community...” It
is clear that this "witness” was only intended to
apply to baptized non-Catholics. There
is no provision for Catholics to take on their participation
in baptism. Therefore,
a Catholic who does not meet the requirements to serve as a
godparent, cannot serve as a Christian witness.
Repeating Godparents
Can the same godparents have responsibility for more than
one child, even in the same family? Yes. As long as they
take seriously their responsibility and intention to help the
children grow in faith, godparents may accept several children,
just as parents may.
Exchanging Godparents
If you are the godparent for another
couple’s child,
can they become the godparents for your child? Yes. That’s
fine, as long as they meet the other requirements for being a
godparent.
Family Members as Godparent
Does the godparent have to come from the family? Not
at all. Remember, the Church’s concern is to have
someone help raise the child in the faith and represent the Church. Consequently,
sometimes the best godparent is not a family member at all, but
someone from your Church parish. Choosing a parishioner strengthens
the bonds of the community’s faith, puts your child in
regular contact with the godparents, and makes the connection
between baptism and the Church more clear.
Distance
Can someone who lives far away be a
godparent? Yes,
and many such godparents make a heroic effort to remain connected
with their godchildren. But obviously the distance puts
them at a disadvantage for living the role in its fullest sense.
Someone who has regular contact with the child can normally have
a deeper impact and lend more significance to the role.
Proxy
Can someone serve as godparent by proxy? This
custom continues to be honored. The original idea was that
if godparents could not attend the baptism ceremony, they would
send a proxy (someone to stand in the place of the missing godparent).
They, not the parents, choose the proxy.
Changing Godparents
If your relationship with the godparents fades or sours after your child
is baptized, can you have the record changed in the parish office? No. Like
the photographs of the even, the parish baptismal register is a record of what
happened, and the godparents’ names are part of it. Baptism records
cannot be changed. Those names will remain an official part of the baptism
registry of the parish. Those names will appear on the baptismal certificate
every time you need to provide one.
CLOSING THOUGHTS ON CHOOSING GODPARENTS
Brainstorm a list of names of people you know and trust, who
are eligible to be a godparent for your child. Name as many
as you can.
Now imagine that your child is ten years old. You
have just cleaned up f after the birthday party and everyone else
has gone home. Think about the relationship between your
child and the godparents. Over the past ten years, how often
would the godparents have seen your child? What would they
have done together? How would your child’s godparents
have shared in enriching your child’s Catholic faith? Would
their relationship with your child have been merely social? Spiritual?
From your list, who are your best choices now? Why?
After you chose the godparents of your child have them answer these
questions, too, and compare your responses.
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